This is a holiday report on Patong Beach and Patong City that you will never see in the glossy holiday brochures - this is the true Phuket! Having lived in Udon Thani for a little over 5 years I decided it was time to venture down south and see Phuket, and find out what all the fuss was about in Patong and the famous Bangla Road. This was to be a long weekend, family affair with a little free time for me to explore the seedy side of life on Phuket Island. There were a number of things we were not fully prepared for and the first evening threw up the first surprise or two. The main one being the prices of everything compared to Udon Thani. Indeed the prices were comparable to those in London and Paris in many places.
We booked a room in the Bamboo Beach Hotel in Kalim, just to the north of Patong, and a 10 minute tuk tuk ride. A budget hotel which was okay and featured a really nice swimming pool. The hotel is set back from the main road, some 50m from the beach, so was quiet and relaxed.
We arrived just after 9.30pm feeling a bit hungry so went out on to the streets to find a local Thai street 'restaurant'. Here was the first eyebrow raising moment - every street seller and every tuk tuk driver was Muslim! It was like just about everywhere else in the world where Muslims have settled - they have effectively taken over that area - Not that I have anything against Muslim's (only their religion). One further thing became quickly evident - they never smiled! Not to customers, or to each other, just took the money and looked bloody miserable.
We arrived just after 9.30pm feeling a bit hungry so went out on to the streets to find a local Thai street 'restaurant'. Here was the first eyebrow raising moment - every street seller and every tuk tuk driver was Muslim! It was like just about everywhere else in the world where Muslims have settled - they have effectively taken over that area - Not that I have anything against Muslim's (only their religion). One further thing became quickly evident - they never smiled! Not to customers, or to each other, just took the money and looked bloody miserable.
As we walked around we looked at some menu's in nearby hotels only to see prices in the 250 - 400 baht region for a main dish of an evening meal. On further investigation we discovered the same hotel wanted 350 baht for breakfast! (£7.00 - That's London prices!). Somewhat shocked and stunned, we retreated across the road to the miserable sods and bought some barbeque chicken and sticky rice.
This might have been a mistake as it turned out (but we are not certain), within 48 hours, all three of us felt a bit sick, and especially me as I proceeded to throw up for the first time in over 30 years, and once I started I could not stop. This was an event that totally overshadowed the remainder of the planned holiday and perhaps my judgement has been clouded by it, but everything I saw was done stone cold sober and my thoughts were clear, even if my stomach and bowels were not.
This might have been a mistake as it turned out (but we are not certain), within 48 hours, all three of us felt a bit sick, and especially me as I proceeded to throw up for the first time in over 30 years, and once I started I could not stop. This was an event that totally overshadowed the remainder of the planned holiday and perhaps my judgement has been clouded by it, but everything I saw was done stone cold sober and my thoughts were clear, even if my stomach and bowels were not.
Day One
While there is loads to do on Phuket Island, you need to book 24 hours in advance to take part in one of the dozens or tours that are shoved in your face just about everywhere you turn. This meant the first day was to be of our own making and the wife decided she wanted to go 'window shopping' (what else?)
To get to Patong City centre we took a tuk tuk, and cue the next shock - 200 baht minimum (for a 10 minute drive). Twice what you would reasonably expect to pay in Udon Thani. To top this, because it was Friday lunchtime, there were very few tuk tuks available because of Muslim Friday prayers. Yes, Kalim beach comes to a grinding halt for two hours so people can worship and invisible being. (in case you had not guessed, I am not at all religious in any way, shape, form but you don't want to get me started on the subject)
I chose to take root in the Ship Wreck Bar on the Bangla Road to get a feel for the mayhem that is often written about and enjoy several bottles of Tiger Beer. By 4pm I was in the mood to make a night of it but the wife did not share the same viewpoint and I eventually caved in for the sake of a peaceful life and not a disastrous start to the weekend. Shame really as we ended up walking the beach in the dark instead.
To get to Patong City centre we took a tuk tuk, and cue the next shock - 200 baht minimum (for a 10 minute drive). Twice what you would reasonably expect to pay in Udon Thani. To top this, because it was Friday lunchtime, there were very few tuk tuks available because of Muslim Friday prayers. Yes, Kalim beach comes to a grinding halt for two hours so people can worship and invisible being. (in case you had not guessed, I am not at all religious in any way, shape, form but you don't want to get me started on the subject)
I chose to take root in the Ship Wreck Bar on the Bangla Road to get a feel for the mayhem that is often written about and enjoy several bottles of Tiger Beer. By 4pm I was in the mood to make a night of it but the wife did not share the same viewpoint and I eventually caved in for the sake of a peaceful life and not a disastrous start to the weekend. Shame really as we ended up walking the beach in the dark instead.
Day Two
Day two is where the holiday was destroyed in a very short space of time. When we woke the following morning our daughter was not feeling very well and although she was very quiet, she was not running to the toilet or throwing up. At this time I was fine, as was the wife so we booked a mini bus and driver for the afternoon to go and see some sights. We headed south down to Kata Beach a few miles south of Patong and Karon beach where their is a very popular viewpoint overlooking the sea and part of the hilly island, which includes the Big Buddha.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, this was the last picture I took from our holiday for it was this very spot that I began to feel very ill. That horrible feeling of the stomach trying to force it's way up your throat and beyond. I managed to contain it and began to feel a little better so we boarded the minibus again and headed to the Big Buddha. Sadly just 5 minutes later I was vomiting in to a large plastic bag and felt like shit for the rest of the tour. So bad was it that all I wanted to do was close my eyes and let the world get on with whatever it wanted to get on with. I did not see the Big Buddha or temple, or indeed anything else until we got back to the hotel for more sleep and visits to the bathroom. A little later in the day the wife became ill as well, so all three of us were suffering - it had to be food?
Due to circumstances beyond my control, this was the last picture I took from our holiday for it was this very spot that I began to feel very ill. That horrible feeling of the stomach trying to force it's way up your throat and beyond. I managed to contain it and began to feel a little better so we boarded the minibus again and headed to the Big Buddha. Sadly just 5 minutes later I was vomiting in to a large plastic bag and felt like shit for the rest of the tour. So bad was it that all I wanted to do was close my eyes and let the world get on with whatever it wanted to get on with. I did not see the Big Buddha or temple, or indeed anything else until we got back to the hotel for more sleep and visits to the bathroom. A little later in the day the wife became ill as well, so all three of us were suffering - it had to be food?
Day Three
The vomiting had stopped but there was trouble at the other end of the body so I thought it best to not venture out until I felt a bit more comfortable. I eventually ate something at around 4pm (first thing for nearly 34 hours) but never felt hungry. Another visit to the bathroom followed but it was not as severe as before so decided to risk going out for the evening. The wife agreed that I should go to Bangla Road to do what I came here to do, and discover the nightlife.
I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever been so disappointed - I really do not see what all the fuss is about - unless you have never been to Pattaya or the main nightlife centres in Bangkok. Admittedly this was in the middle of the low season so visitor numbers may have been low but I was expecting to see Thai girls everywhere, gagging to meet single ferang males, but there were hardly any on view. Those that were present were also very subdued and the whole vibe just felt very flat.
The whole of the Bangla Road was little more than an endless stream of couples and families walking up and down and perhaps also wondering what all the fuss was about. The most annoying factor of the Bangla Road though was all the street vendors, mostly trying to sell total junk at greatly inflated prices (cigarettes at 100 Baht, which cost 75 baht in the 7 Evelen just 50 m down the road - for instance). To avoid this constant barrage you need to head up one of the many side streets where there are countless bars. These too were very quiet though and nothing really looked very appealing. Maybe it was because I was still felling a bit ill but I don't think this affected my judgment in any way.
The next day we headed back to Udon Thani, feeling a little better but utterly disappointed with Phuket and all it had to offer.
I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever been so disappointed - I really do not see what all the fuss is about - unless you have never been to Pattaya or the main nightlife centres in Bangkok. Admittedly this was in the middle of the low season so visitor numbers may have been low but I was expecting to see Thai girls everywhere, gagging to meet single ferang males, but there were hardly any on view. Those that were present were also very subdued and the whole vibe just felt very flat.
The whole of the Bangla Road was little more than an endless stream of couples and families walking up and down and perhaps also wondering what all the fuss was about. The most annoying factor of the Bangla Road though was all the street vendors, mostly trying to sell total junk at greatly inflated prices (cigarettes at 100 Baht, which cost 75 baht in the 7 Evelen just 50 m down the road - for instance). To avoid this constant barrage you need to head up one of the many side streets where there are countless bars. These too were very quiet though and nothing really looked very appealing. Maybe it was because I was still felling a bit ill but I don't think this affected my judgment in any way.
The next day we headed back to Udon Thani, feeling a little better but utterly disappointed with Phuket and all it had to offer.
Back To The Prices
Throughout the weekend, excluding most of the big fast food chains, we noticed that the prices of everything in Phuket was at least 20% higher than that of Udon Thani, and the biggest rip-offs were the tours and parks. There is a bird park where the admission fee is a staggering 500 baht for adults and 300 baht for the kids! These are not in line with the rest of Thailand and really are not value for money. Indeed you are only paying to look at them, if you want a picture of you holding a bird, or want to feed them, you pay considerably more on top. All of the parks - crocodiles, tigers, elephants etc are the same, they are a massive rip-off, hell-bent on bleeding the endless stream of gullible foreign visitors.
Similar attractions in Udon Thani are 150 baht at most for foreigners, and typically free for Thai's and kids. Restaurant prices ranged from expensive to bloody ridiculous and I nearly fainted when we got back to Phuket Airport to see that Burger King charged 300 baht for a Cheeseburger meal £6.00 - really?). Beer in the bars was more expensive and to be honest I was expecting that, with 80 Baht the cheapest I could find (75 Baht is high for Udon).
Thanks but no thanks. If there was ever an advertisement that highlights the value of a holiday to Udon Thani - this was it! I may go back some day to see if my thoughts on Bangla Road were fully justified or not but the wife never wants to return as she is even tighter with money than me!
Similar attractions in Udon Thani are 150 baht at most for foreigners, and typically free for Thai's and kids. Restaurant prices ranged from expensive to bloody ridiculous and I nearly fainted when we got back to Phuket Airport to see that Burger King charged 300 baht for a Cheeseburger meal £6.00 - really?). Beer in the bars was more expensive and to be honest I was expecting that, with 80 Baht the cheapest I could find (75 Baht is high for Udon).
Thanks but no thanks. If there was ever an advertisement that highlights the value of a holiday to Udon Thani - this was it! I may go back some day to see if my thoughts on Bangla Road were fully justified or not but the wife never wants to return as she is even tighter with money than me!